This is HARD.

Bah, tonight was difficult. I’ve struggled with anxiety (sorta low grade panic attacks that come out of nowhere) for the past 6ish years. I think my dysfunctional drinking got way worse since this came about because it would numb me enough to get through most episodes…come home feeling anxious, drink wine until it goes away.

Tonight was the first major anxious episode recently (damnit, I was really hoping alcohol had caused them! I definitely have been less anxious overall recently). Basically I get low blood sugar and this causes me to be jittery which leads to a place that getting my blood sugar up doesn’t get me out of.

Anyyyyyways, I really really REALLY wanted a drink (or 10) to make it go away! Instead we went out for Indian  (yeay, carbs), went for a walk with our dogs in misty rain (there’s nothing like watching all 3 dogs fall in the stream…one after another…dorks….to cheer you up) and then I went to the gym to swim for a LONG time. ALL the tricks in the book. Sigh.