6 weeks

I’m very quiet this time. Maybe because every celebration invites the letdown on the other side. 

Happy to be sober and productive.

My husband and I started a Whole30 (Google it) on the first day I stopped drinking. I didn’t admit this before now because I realize restricting alcohol AND sugar should be a recipe for disaster, but surprisingly it helped…having rules and something else to think about other than alcohol was useful. We are still mostly “whole30”. For example, when I eat bread/sugar, I have horrid sugar crashes not unlike hangovers. I’ve also learned that my anxiety issues feed off of low quality carbs. I had bread one night as a major part of dinner (panzanella with mozzerella but no other protein) and omg the anxiety afterwards. Just very interesting…

Also had a friend visit who eats mostly the same because of pre-diabetes. I have diabetes in my family so it wouldn’t be surprising if my blood sugar stability depended on what I eat. 

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Hi, world

Still here, still plugging along on day 33. I am leaving for Europe around day 60 so that’s my current next goal. Being sober is fun, mostly. Still bored sometimes! (Like right now).

I bought myself new sunglasses for day 30. Turns our they don’t fit so I need a new 30 day treat. 

I think I’m buying a cheapo kayak this weekend so maybe that will be it. Seems silly to pay $25/hour for a kayak when they sell crappy ones for $150. How bad could they be? 🙂

We are actually in escrow on my little house in Tahoe. But that escrow is about to collapse because the house is a mess. And the sellers are assholes who won’t negotiate even though we would have to spend about 50k to get it habitable. Sigh, asshats everywhere.

Back to the (terrible) paper I’m refereeing….

Ughhhh

Having one of “those” days. Cranky, out of sorts (still ridiculously sore and worn out from Saturday). I’m not craving alcohol exactly, I just want something to do. Too much work lately, I’ve actually forgotten what I do when I’m not working or cooking or swimming. Hm. Usually i drink, I suppose. 

I’ve promised myself 30 days. Right now that’s the only thing between me and a bottle of wine. I’ll have to re-up that promise in a week!

3 weeks.

Still going strong. This is about when the wheels usually fall off (or start to) so I’m being extra vigilant. 

I did a half Ironman yesterday. Without really training (idiot). I was just going to swim and bike and then skip the run but I felt ok…and power-walked the whole “run”. And today holy hell I’m sore! Some pathetic limping around today. Very proud of myself though.  Last summer I did train for my half Ironman. Got to the swim start after maybe one hour of sleep the night before, had basically a panic attack, and refused to start the race. I never like wetsuits but usually I get over it. All I wanted this weekend was to vanquish that demon. I had a few minutes of slight panic in the (freezing!) water but otherwise actually really enjoyed the swim. I have been craving the pool lately so I just tried to tap into that feeling. 

I think I might train for the next one. I had the most fun I’ve ever had on a race course but my poor body feels like it did a real Ironman and then some. Owie.

Looking forward to week 4. 

16

We had a lovely day in Tahoe on Sunday. Saw one house (er, more like a shack!) that I wanted desperately. Anddd then Monday morning found out someone made an offer over the weekend and it was accepted. Sulk. I’m evilly hoping the contract falls through (as happens so often!). It felt like my little sober cabin in the woods. Oh well, either way there will be others. 

Otherwise, work is crazy and I’ve started exercising again so I’m go go go 7am to 9pm every day. I worry that I’m setting myself up for overwhelm but I also know sobriety is hardest when you’re bored and I’m definitely not bored. This “time around” I have much more energy than the previous times I’ve tried to quit. Go figure.

Bedtime!

Day 14

Two weeks. (Well, it’s morning so just short of two weeks). I’m so much happier than 2 weeks ago. 

This weekend was my first real challenge with a conference where everyone was drinking. Funny thing is that not everyone WAS drinking. I was at one table at dinner where one person had two glasses of wine, one had one, and two other than me had none. If I was drinking I would have been stressed about not having a drinking buddy who could keep up with me (and the socially acceptable level would have restrained me until I got to the hotel later). Instead, I had lovely chamomile tea after dinner and went back to the hotel and had sparkling tangerine Voss water.

Now I’m home. We are driving to the mountains today to look at cabins. My dream is to own a tiny cabin near Lake Tahoe to be my little retreat from life. Pack up the dogs and get away from everything when it’s too much. I’m infinitely spoiled. 

Happy Sunday!

8.

On and on it goes. I’m always shocked when I get to this point. This time around stopping drinking has been one huge relief. I’m actually sleeping. I’m functional. 

Maybe just maybe I can keep this ball rolling, one day at a time…

Almost a third of the way to 30 days! (I do well with tiny milestones apparently. It’s kind of like in the pool I break a long workout into “only 25 more yards and I’ll be 5/16 of the way done”).