Ughhhh

Having one of “those” days. Cranky, out of sorts (still ridiculously sore and worn out from Saturday). I’m not craving alcohol exactly, I just want something to do. Too much work lately, I’ve actually forgotten what I do when I’m not working or cooking or swimming. Hm. Usually i drink, I suppose. 

I’ve promised myself 30 days. Right now that’s the only thing between me and a bottle of wine. I’ll have to re-up that promise in a week!

3 weeks.

Still going strong. This is about when the wheels usually fall off (or start to) so I’m being extra vigilant. 

I did a half Ironman yesterday. Without really training (idiot). I was just going to swim and bike and then skip the run but I felt ok…and power-walked the whole “run”. And today holy hell I’m sore! Some pathetic limping around today. Very proud of myself though.  Last summer I did train for my half Ironman. Got to the swim start after maybe one hour of sleep the night before, had basically a panic attack, and refused to start the race. I never like wetsuits but usually I get over it. All I wanted this weekend was to vanquish that demon. I had a few minutes of slight panic in the (freezing!) water but otherwise actually really enjoyed the swim. I have been craving the pool lately so I just tried to tap into that feeling. 

I think I might train for the next one. I had the most fun I’ve ever had on a race course but my poor body feels like it did a real Ironman and then some. Owie.

Looking forward to week 4. 

16

We had a lovely day in Tahoe on Sunday. Saw one house (er, more like a shack!) that I wanted desperately. Anddd then Monday morning found out someone made an offer over the weekend and it was accepted. Sulk. I’m evilly hoping the contract falls through (as happens so often!). It felt like my little sober cabin in the woods. Oh well, either way there will be others. 

Otherwise, work is crazy and I’ve started exercising again so I’m go go go 7am to 9pm every day. I worry that I’m setting myself up for overwhelm but I also know sobriety is hardest when you’re bored and I’m definitely not bored. This “time around” I have much more energy than the previous times I’ve tried to quit. Go figure.

Bedtime!

Day 14

Two weeks. (Well, it’s morning so just short of two weeks). I’m so much happier than 2 weeks ago. 

This weekend was my first real challenge with a conference where everyone was drinking. Funny thing is that not everyone WAS drinking. I was at one table at dinner where one person had two glasses of wine, one had one, and two other than me had none. If I was drinking I would have been stressed about not having a drinking buddy who could keep up with me (and the socially acceptable level would have restrained me until I got to the hotel later). Instead, I had lovely chamomile tea after dinner and went back to the hotel and had sparkling tangerine Voss water.

Now I’m home. We are driving to the mountains today to look at cabins. My dream is to own a tiny cabin near Lake Tahoe to be my little retreat from life. Pack up the dogs and get away from everything when it’s too much. I’m infinitely spoiled. 

Happy Sunday!

8.

On and on it goes. I’m always shocked when I get to this point. This time around stopping drinking has been one huge relief. I’m actually sleeping. I’m functional. 

Maybe just maybe I can keep this ball rolling, one day at a time…

Almost a third of the way to 30 days! (I do well with tiny milestones apparently. It’s kind of like in the pool I break a long workout into “only 25 more yards and I’ll be 5/16 of the way done”).

5

Weird, WordPress just wished me happy anniversary. I started my blog on day 4 last year (which was about a week ago…). You’re a week off, silly website!

I could be a year sober right now…maybe this time next year I will be.

There’s something about April. The sun finally comes out, it’s like emerging from 6 months in a dark cave. I live in California, and holy cow I’m glad I don’t live anywhere with less sunshine! I’ve struggled a lot with winter since moving to northern CA. This winter was extra rough with our nonstop rain (but yeay, no more drought, for now). I’m buying a sunlight lamp in october next fall! And now after all that rain and with all the lovely new green plants I’m having my first experience with allergies ever. Owie.  

Night all, nice to see everyone again 🙂

Day 4

It’s like groundhogs day, I feel like I’ve been here before!

Very little to say except I’ve promised myself 30 days. Hopefully on day 28 i will be able to commit to 100 days but that just feels too hard right now. Toooo many false starts

It’s been ok this week. The sun is out (FINALLY). I’ve been biking and swimming a bit. Trying to stay busy. We are planning a big Spring clean this weekend (i haaaaate cleaning).

Night night, world 🙂