I have been very unhappy the last week or so, particularly so the last 3 days.
It might be the weather changing (I am most definitely susceptible to SAD, even in California. Maybe the last 2 years have gotten worse since I moved north)
It might be that I just hate my job (the same job that makes it possible for me come home at 1pm on a Monday and spend the afternoon on the couch with my puppies. Ah, academia…). To be fair, this job is harder than my job 1.5 years ago because the publishing expectations are much higher. There’s an underlying anxiety that’s just there all the time that gets to you. I know academics have a higher depression etc rate than most people, probably partly because there is no day to day monitoring of our job performance–just biannual reviews of our publication record which is a terrible measure of actual effort put into a job.
I’m just rambling so I can look back on this. I obviously (to me) need a doctor and some meds. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years on and off. This episode feels worse. I even know which meds work for me, I just need to find a doctor here that I can work with (easier said than done in the US when you’re asking for controlled substances!)