Ugh.

Conferences are just too much for me! I went for a few hours today and now I’m hiding in my room. I feel emotionally fragile today and realize if I spend too much time around day crowds of people I WILL give in and drink. I think I might stay in my room the rest of the night. I showed my face, people saw me. Enough…

This stupid conference is at a hotel in the middle of nowhere. 20 minutes to the main town. I have no car, sounds like an expensive uber. 

I’m a little cranky today πŸ˜‰ 

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11 thoughts on “Ugh.”

  1. Good that you took yourself to your quiet room! What I noticed in the beginning of not drinking is that, when the alcohol was not there, all the impressions of an event hit on me harder. Part of drinking is that the outside stimuli are dampened. And with alcohol I believe we also get obsessed by one thing: the music, or the ‘conversation’ we are having.
    I can imagine it is not a nice feeling to fear/suspect that you will be drinking if you would have stayed but maybe you can take that as information rather than ‘possible imagined future failing’? When you focus on being happy that you quit (sorry for the clichΓ©) the future possibilities limit themselves a lot which makes not drinking easiere. In other words: when you are scared that you might drink the idea of ‘maybe I will drink’ keeps on being present in the mind and actually trains the brain to be ok-ish with the pressense of drinking / thoughts about drinking which lays out the red carpet for the first drink coming in. Instead: take what you realised as information, not possible failing and be PROUD of yourself that you took the right action. πŸ™‚
    Wishing you a good sober night and a beautiful morning. At the breakfast table check out the reddishness on the faces of people who drank too much. See the the dark circles and bags under their eyes, remember how awful it felt, possibly how embarresed you could have been over doing something inappropriate amongst colleagues…. and be happy you did not drink. πŸ˜‰
    I for one am happy that you quit. πŸ™‚
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love this comment, thanks. Yes, instead of being annoyed that I could see the future going badly, I’m very happy that I didn’t put myself in a situation which was going to be hard.

      Ugh, yes, everything is so much more intense without alcohol!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, much more intense πŸ™‚ Which, if I may, is also an indication. If the intensity overwhelms you, the fear of overwhelm and deep emotions it is probably one of the reasons you drank. Isn’t is cool how undampened life just sorts itself out? “So if I am afraid of intensity…. maybe I should be a little easier on myself, read a book, have a tea and go to bed.” (do not do not like me; eat chocolate till sick and then internet till asleep – don’t go there ;-)) Not sure if I spammed it in here already but if you are experiencing cravings, or better! before you are experiencing cravings you might have a go at the free online alcohol desensitization course I did as well. I REALLY think it works. It sort of bored me out of alcohol in no time. Which is what it is/does. πŸ™‚ So I think it works. πŸ™‚ It’s on my blog somewhere.
        xx, Feeling

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hoping you make it through. Today has been challenging for me too. I’m not sure what time zone you are in, but hopefully you can simply call it a day soon and wake up refreshed tomorrow. No alcohol = better sleep. Hugs.

    Like

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