Oh my…

…how the mighty fall.

If it’s not obvious by now, I fell off the wagon (or whatever phrase you want use).

Not so quickly. I made it to 100 days. 105 I think. Then I slipped, hard. One night, two glasses of wine because of some work crap. A few days later when my mom was here I had 1 glass each night. Recommitted to sobriety for 3 days, then left on vacation. Made it to day 3 of my relatives asking why I wasn’t drinking  (plus omg the stress of spending time with my father. Ahhh!). 

It was up and down but culminated three (?) days ago with drinking a bit too much, a huge fight with my father, buying an expensive (30 hour, $1000…oh the desperation) one-way plane ticket home to escape two days alone with him, and…just….ahhhh!

I’m actually still more upset about my relationship with him than the drinking. I’ve also realized I need a therapist to figure out how to ever talk to him again (this has been 32 years coming…)

Anyways, hi, all. I have been reading blogs but haven’t felt worthy to comment. I am sober-ish again (back to one ish drink a day). I am planning that Thursday will be day 1. I just can’t quite handle the emotional crap plus first few days of no alcohol at the same time. I am detoxing from my father, then we will deal with alcohol šŸ™‚

I am going to recommit to blogging daily until I reach 100 again. I drifted away from my sober supports and I was hanging on by my fingernails by day 100 last time. Hence…well…that…

I missed you all. Day -1 šŸ˜‰

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12 thoughts on “Oh my…”

  1. 105 days is amazing. I NEVER was able to reach 30. Not worthy to comment? I know how it feels. When I am drinking, I stop blogging. Because I am not worthy. Because I am ashamed. But you know what? We are still here, we are still trying and we are not giving up. That alone makes us worthy!

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  2. 105 days is a huge achievement. You now have the added motivation of having gone long enough to really feel the benefits and know how much better you can feel sober and not just take it on faith. Welcome back, we’re here for you x

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  3. Welcome back. (If that’s the right expression?) The blogs have felt very quiet over the last couple of months and my guess is many have been struggling. 105 days is an incredible achievement though .. I just know you will get back on track. xx

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  4. It is hard to deal with all the emotional stuff and quitting alcohol. Life is so much better without the alcohol in the system. I’ve tried it twice of recent and it just doesn’t “do it” for me anymore. I’m so glad. I never would have known that possibility if I hadn’t done the 100 days first. Before I quit I couldn’t imagine getting through the day without wine to look forward to. At least you know how you feel when you aren’t drinking so try and channel those thoughts again. Hugs.

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  5. Of course you’re worthy to comment! With the experience of 105 days, and the experience of a tough fall after that, you’ve got plenty to say. And now you’ve got another story in the making, about how you picked yourself up and dusted yourself off and marched forward. I’m particularly looking forward to reading that story.

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  6. So glad you are here! And please comment. It gives people like me the courage to come back if/when we happen to backslide a bit. It seems like you have a good plan going forward, especially with your father. I look forward to hearing more. ; )

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  7. Hey you there. 105 days is amazing. Have you tried meetings..AA?I NEVER wanted to do “that”. But couldn’t get more than 90 days at a time. Just a thought… It changed the emotional wreckage game for me too and was free. No therapist needed…
    *Hugs*

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