Day 90 (+4)

It’s been quiet around here lately–very busy with work, traveling. Still sober, but it’s been touch and go a few times. Last week at the airport coming home, people were just annoying me, and I really wanted a drink to escape from them. I survived, had tonic water, and got off the plane without a headache. Had there been a wine bar at that airport instead of the overcrowded crappy bars, I don’t guarantee the outcome would have been the same. This was after 4 days at a conference with very little sleep and lots of alcohol around. 

The past few days I’ve been thinking about drinking. No real reason, just a bunch of little things that have happened in the last week. A couple of tragedies to people around me (wife of my old boss was killed cycling last week which has made me skittish about getting on my bike. A good friend’s sweet dog died two days later from a rattlesnake bite which really upset me…and has made me squeeze my puppies even more than usual. “Mommmmm, let me go”), work stress, I hurt my back yesterday so I’m grumpier than usual…I was almost convinced I would drink tonight–a reward for going through all this nasty stuff. My husband had to go out of town last minute and my first thought was “ooh, i can open a good bottle of wine!”. Instead I swam, bad back and all–I think it helped my back a bit, bought a new fancy drink (grapefruit shrub which I then mixed with sparkly water. Weird taste!), went to bed. Well, I’m in bed and wired at 1130pm…

These almost drink moments aren’t like the cravings of the first month. They’re just “that sounds nice and I want to escape a bit and welll wine is fine, i dont have a drinking problem, I deserve it…”. Wolfie gets more subtle as time goes on, tries different tactics. At the end of each of these incidents, I haven’t really been bothered that I didn’t drink. 

Just a new phase to go through. I’m feeling a lot better in general lately. I don’t spend all day thinking about not drinking any more. Finally losing *some* weight. Less tired but that could be the last 5 nights of decent sleep talking. 

I have a deeper post written that I’ll post this week sometime. 

6 days until 100! Then….180 is the next big milestone. 

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11 thoughts on “Day 90 (+4)”

  1. Ooo nearly at 100 days, well done. I felt the cravings change around the same time. Wolfie is very sneaky and subtle. Gone are the gut wrenching “I need a drink now!” cravings and hello to the “I’ve totally got this, i could have a drink if I want” thoughts. It’s all still Wolfie though. You did great getting through your conference. I think you are doing great x

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  2. Hello again, welcome back! I had to pick up my son at the airport the other day and realized I would have had at least a glass waiting for him. Yet another location where wine was always involved even if just one glass. Sorry about the tough stuff that has gone on in your life of late, that’s rough. I hope your back feels better soon, too! You’re still pulling me along!!!

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  3. Wow! You are doing so amazingly.. Well done! Couldn’t agree more with the other posters.. You know yourself and your minds little tricks.. Read a few day 2/3/4 blogs and you will remind yourself why you never want to go back! xxx

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  4. You have such a huge milestone coming so soon. You should be proud of your strength. Yay for making another commitment to 80 more days as well!

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