Day 90 (+4)

It’s been quiet around here lately–very busy with work, traveling. Still sober, but it’s been touch and go a few times. Last week at the airport coming home, people were just annoying me, and I really wanted a drink to escape from them. I survived, had tonic water, and got off the plane without a headache. Had there been a wine bar at that airport instead of the overcrowded crappy bars, I don’t guarantee the outcome would have been the same. This was after 4 days at a conference with very little sleep and lots of alcohol around. 

The past few days I’ve been thinking about drinking. No real reason, just a bunch of little things that have happened in the last week. A couple of tragedies to people around me (wife of my old boss was killed cycling last week which has made me skittish about getting on my bike. A good friend’s sweet dog died two days later from a rattlesnake bite which really upset me…and has made me squeeze my puppies even more than usual. “Mommmmm, let me go”), work stress, I hurt my back yesterday so I’m grumpier than usual…I was almost convinced I would drink tonight–a reward for going through all this nasty stuff. My husband had to go out of town last minute and my first thought was “ooh, i can open a good bottle of wine!”. Instead I swam, bad back and all–I think it helped my back a bit, bought a new fancy drink (grapefruit shrub which I then mixed with sparkly water. Weird taste!), went to bed. Well, I’m in bed and wired at 1130pm…

These almost drink moments aren’t like the cravings of the first month. They’re just “that sounds nice and I want to escape a bit and welll wine is fine, i dont have a drinking problem, I deserve it…”. Wolfie gets more subtle as time goes on, tries different tactics. At the end of each of these incidents, I haven’t really been bothered that I didn’t drink. 

Just a new phase to go through. I’m feeling a lot better in general lately. I don’t spend all day thinking about not drinking any more. Finally losing *some* weight. Less tired but that could be the last 5 nights of decent sleep talking. 

I have a deeper post written that I’ll post this week sometime. 

6 days until 100! Then….180 is the next big milestone.